In part 2 of this series, I picked apart some myths about adoption that I was stunned to find in the first place. In this post, there are a few more myths I want to bust in order to try and get the right information out there. My hope is that a woman or young woman who is scared and wanting a little support and answers will somehow stumble upon this blog. And as she reads, she will know in her heart that her decision is in the interest of her child. She’ll know that she’s not alone. And maybe she’ll feel a little bit better about her choice, because that’s what adoption is; a choice. A personal choice in which a mother makes the biggest of sacrifices, all for her unborn baby.
I found these completely bogus myths during my research for this series. So here we go…let’s get some truth, shall we?
MYTH: No one WANTS to be an adoptee.
As far as I know, there are women who get pregnant specifically to place that child with a couple who, for whatever reason, can not have children of their own; they’re called surrogate mothers and they totally exist. Secondly, some women, who never wanted children, find themselves in a situation where they’re pregnant and don’t want to have an abortion. These women are among those who choose adoption for their baby. Now, is there such a case where a teenager gets pregnant and decides to place her baby? Of course there is, there have been a few cases on 16 and Pregnant as a matter of fact, but that doesn’t mean that they, too, don’t want to place their baby for adoption.
What they want, in most cases, more than anything is to be able to go to prom, be able to graduate and be able to go to college and have the full college experience without doing all of this at the expense of a child.
MYTH: No mother who has lost a child ever fully recovers.
Not true, guys. Yes- just like with any loss- a woman will have her grieving period, which may last a few weeks, months…even years. But that doesn’t mean that she won’t ever be okay. With the right support system, a birth mother can recover from her loss and find joy in her decision to place her child. Now, having said that, I know some birth mothers may not have an immediate support system, be it their family or even friends that can help them get through it. So I have scoured the internet and have below listed some websites you can visit to find a support group in your area as well as online support groups.
Birth Mother Resources offers support groups for both birth mothers and pregnant women. They also have an area where you can find a group in your area as well as a link for an online support system.
Adoption Services is a state-by-state listing of all support groups and also offers websites for online support groups.
America Adopts offers numerous online support groups for birth mothers. They also have links for birth father blogs and birth mother websites.
Adoption Support Center features birth mom stories from real birth mothers who chose adoption for their baby.
MYTH: Giving up your baby is wrong. It just means you’re a bad parent.
I’m here to tell you that acknowledging that you can’t or don’t want to raise your baby (whatever your reasons may be) and making a plan to find a family who will and can love that child as though it were their own is not wrong. It takes a tremendous amount of courage and maturity to make this decision. Don’t ever let anyone try to convince you that adoption is wrong. Because by choosing to place your child, you’re doing one of the most selfless and brave things a woman could ever do.
Since I’ve started this series, I’ve been trying to refrain from using phrases like ‘giving up your child’ because I don’t think adoption has anything to do with giving up. On the contrary, it’s not giving up on your baby’s future. It’s ensuring that your child will never have to know what it’s like to not play sports because mommy and daddy have to pay the rent. Or know the feeling of thinking Santa doesn’t believe they’re good enough because (unbeknownst to them) mommy and daddy can’t afford to buy them Christmas presents. It takes a strong woman to put her own needs aside and make a decision for her baby that ensures it will have the best life possible. Even if it means she can’t be the one to give it.